Monday November 22, 2010

9 months since I have blogged~hmmm long enough to have a baby (except when you are actually pregnant,then it seems to take 2 yrs.!) Let us all take a moment to be thankful that THAT is not what I have been doing!!! As I was pondering what I am Thankful for this year, and might I say it has been a banner year in so many ways, it has also been a very (finding a fitting word to put here is proving harder than I thought!) disillusioning year also. My age seems to be catching up with me and lack of health insurance, since my husbands profession has gone to contracting only, has set me back on my dreams a little...BUT we are THANKFUL he is working!!! The past nine months have been spent paying off a majority of our bills, pool loan DONE! cars PAID OFF! Life insurance has been upped and now, like Jimmy Stewart, I am worth more dead than alive. And yet, somehow I manage to be THANKFUL to be alive! Mostly because of my wonderful children~in May I cut the cord on the most gorgeous Granddaughter ever to be born! It was the most amazing experience I have ever been a part of, I THANKFUL to my Daughter in law for allowing me to share that with her! I am THANKFUL that my youngest, who is 3 & their youngest, who will be 3 in December, are both potty trained! I am way to old to be chasing these boys around, but it is getting easier now that they are getting older. The other 3 are managing to stay out of trouble~for THAT I AM THANKFUL!
Now for the dream, and yes at this point I have to say it is still a dream, but thanks to a handful of devoted friends I am managing to struggle along with my business~for them I am always THANKFUL! The Food Truck has been picked, the business plan has been written, S corp or LLC has been decided~I vote LLC, so that when I do open an actual Deli I can appoint a separate manager to run one or the other. Health Dept. codes have been studied, Specs obtained for their review, Menus hashed over, sandwich names laughed over, WIFI & other faxing options checked into, trucks test driven and LOTS of food given away! We are calling it research~and we are THANKFUL to all the eaters, the salesmen, the operators and anyone else who has answered my 10 million phone calls, emails, drop bys, facebook threads, wall comments etc.! A nerve problem in my foot that started in May & ran up an insane amount of doctor and hosp bills kept me off my feet for alot of the summer, and held me back from saving money I had planned on saving since the other bills had been taken care of...2 steps forward 3 steps back~BUT I am THANKFUL I am not ending the year in debt! And I am still alive & kicking w/ no blood clot in my leg~so again I am THANKFUL! I am learning a lot about credit, have been watching Bio's on Donald Trump, Richard Branson & od'ing on Clark Howard & that wacko Jim something on the stock show. I have not been wasting a second of time saying poor me, I am thinking that these things happen for a reason~if i was not off my foot I never would have learned as much as I did this year about running a business, I am not one to sit still for long.
I have a million other things to be THANKFUL for, but none of them would be possible without the constant love and support of my husband, next year we will be married 25 yrs! Through thick & thin, and all the other vows we took~he has been right here by my side. There were critics who said it would never last, we were too young, he was from the wrong side of the tracks...I let them all say what that wanted and married him anyway~lucky me! Smart me! THANKFUL ME!!!
Now I will tell a little story about people who claim they are from the right side of the tracks, people who think that what you do is much more important than who you are. People who smile to your face, but use you as fodder for their shallow conversations as soon as you are out of earshot. People who say they love you, but don't act like they love you, people who turn their back on you and walk away without a word because they were wrong! It was supposed to be a wonderful visit, my sons birthday coincided with the timing, which made it that much more special. Phone calls flew back & forth, where would be the best place to stay, what should the agenda be, concerns that my foot would not be up to too much walking. As the time grew closer, we dusted, waxed, polished, dry cleaned curtains. Recreated favorite recipes from days gone by~the day finally arrived~the kids waited with baited breath, a beautiful lunch was set out~the house sparkled!!! So exciting!! THEY'RE HERE~the kids are shouting, running outside for hugs & kisses...wonderful. everyone comes in for lunch & I am asked where the local stores are & literally before I know it, he is gone...for hours~o.k. 1 1/2, but still! Finally someone calls his cell, radio shack, an oil change and a smoothie later~he is back! WTF? Are you kidding me~why?? We go around a little, this is my home, my children~I feel protective of them both, no compliments on the food, my home, no questions to the kids about school. He decides to escape again, this time under the guise of getting my son, who has already been suitably gifted, to the store...The only thing my son remembers about this trip is that the passenger told the driver to watch out, someone tried to cut them off, and the driver said~thats o.k. let them hit us! We finally all go to dinner, trying to let the little ones have a good day...I assume~I really don't know at this point what is going through his mind as we eat dinner like a bad Seinfeld episode, talking into our underarms about each other~truly ridiculous! But the children have a wonderful time & when we are done we go into the parking lot to chat, I go to the car to change the babies~chatting with the others as HE chats with my sons...when I am finished with the babies I see him get into his car and drive away. My 2 oldest ask if he said goodbye or anything? NO! We figured he was going to pull around the parking lot...nope! My FATHER apparently came all the way to North Carolina to replace his bluetooth, get an oil change, buy a smoothie & dinner...just so he could finish the evening by turning his back on me in front of my children and walking away because he is too (what word again?) proud, selfish, self centered????? What??? too what to just say I am sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, I see you worked very hard~the house looks beautiful etc...I have only heard from him twice since then~to ask why the baby's birthday check had not been cashed and to inform me~in the subject line of an email~that a dear relative had passed away. I have thought about this long and hard~We tell our children NOTHING could make us stop loving you,there is NOTHING you could do that would make me turn my back on you! I spoke to my Rabbi about forgiveness, as I find myself opening my email everyday to see if he has come to his senses I wonder if I will be able to forgive him...but he never writes or calls so that ball is not in my court yet.
I was called the Black Sheep by my Grandfather and half of the room turned their backs on me when I walked down the aisle, but when I look at my family I wonder where I came from, how did I land there? I don't find myself as upset about my Fathers behavior as I think I should be. I am just me....and the man I married may not be rich, or college educated or drive a fancy car or take me on exotic vacations, but we stand together & when I cried over my father it was HIS shoulder that caught my tears. He has taught me to respect a person for who they are inside, not the trappings that adorn them. And for THAT I AM THANKFUL! I enter into this Holiday Season with an open mind, a happy heart and hopes that next year will see this dream to fruition~I am also THANKFUL to my little guy for playing long enough for me to clear my head!

Thursday!!! February 18th, 2010

How can it possibly be Thursday already? Wow!The weather is chilly, but my spirit is warm today~I had a moderately successful Valentine week...My most heartfelt Thank Yous to those who ordered from me~I hope you all enjoyed a happy holiday!!! Now I am thankfully in the process of working on a dinner party for 25 people, such fun! I told my BFF today that I am so lucky because when I have to practice what I do I get to make something delicious!!! Unlike the atheletes we have been watching on the Olympics this week~those kids work SO HARD!! I have been watching with my 9 year old and I don't think at that age we realized how hard these people work. They are amazing!!!
So my hubby turns 46 this week~I told a friend of mine it was my hubby's birthday and she asked if it was a "big one" I thought for a second and then I told her YES! for me...I am married to someone who is almost 50!!! HELLO??? that cannot be possible, when did this happen? When I look at him I see the same person he has always been, we are the same people who once sat at the bluff (some of you will know where that is, some of you won't!) we spent a lot of time at the bluff during our dating years, and I remember one night looking at the moon and talking about our future and he said~I want to teach my kids to ride a bike. Out of nowhere, I will never forget what he looked like when he said that~I thought he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen~he was 19 and the future seemed so far away...now it is 27 years later and so far he has taught 2 sons to ride a bike, mow a lawn, drive a car~we have been through a lifetime together, sometimes we sit around the table when the kids are all home and talk about whatever memories stick in their heads and I am astounded that we have a lifetime of memories. We have laughed, cried, screamed,prayed, and loved together for almost our whole lives...we are blessed to have each other. We somehow managed to raise a family, while trying to raise ourselves. Some days we hit the mark, other days we failed miserably~but we are still trying together everyday. And for anyone who thinks it is not work, you are wrong~work at love everyday and it will reward you in ways you could never imagine, if you are open to seeing it and believeing it.
I wish my hubby a wonderfully happy birthday~and I hope many, many, many more...after all who else would put up with me???
Now time to bake some "practice" Hamentashen...I wonder who I can get to sample them?

Wednesday Feb. 10th

Apple Cobbler in the oven~a very comforting smell on this incredibly windy day. I have started using the date on my blog because I have come to the conclusion that for reasons beyond my control I will not be able to write everyday, and if I am lucky somedays I will write twice. Even though my blogging is a new experience it seems to me that people are thinking that my cooking is new also...so not true! HA! So I am going back to the archives today to shed a little light on my experiences. I grew up on Long Island in New York. As a north Shore girl...and yes there is a difference, at least according to my husband there is~the South Shore Girls are more streetwise, the North Shore Girls are J.A.P.S, which stands for Jewish American Princess~which, in short means that our Daddy's do everything for us and by the time we are 18 we are no more able to take care of ourselves than we were at lets say~12. So while I vehemently deny this theory, I will admit that when I graduated high school I drove a very nice black Firebird, had a bank account, nice clothes and had never had a job! Enter the blue collar boyfriend~worked in construction, drove and OLD chevy, had his own apartment and smoked. To say that my father was not amused is an understatement! HA! but I was in love, and by the time I graduated we were talking marriage...over my dead body, said my father~and then he said~if you live together for a year and do not kill each other, I will give you a wedding. DONE!!! We found a basement apartment, on the South Shore, and moved in~happy as clams. I proceeded to have every job known to man~i worked in a pharmacy (or 2!) a dry cleaner,toys r us, pizza place, cleaned houses and then a deli~I had found my niche. Good Music, great people in and out all day and plenty to keep me busy. I didn't care for the slow pace of retail, even though as my Dad pointed out, that was the job that had benifits...nope it was the deli life that caught me~i am a sucker for instant gratification! Get paid in cash at the end of the day, run around on deliveries in a cool car with the tunes cranked, regulars asking for me to make their lunch and taking leftovers home for dinner~AHHHH that was the life! I learned everything I could about ordering, specials, fish friday, lent, worked every holiday when nobody else wanted to. This went on for years and it worked out well when the kids were in school~I worked the lunch shift very happily~construction workers would bring their orders in written on 2x4's...brings back some good memories. Eventually I became at little overqualified and I started going into places that weren't doing so well, I revamped their menus, started business fax lines, and introduced new ways to drum up business~I was very happy! I would stay at a place for a few months and then move on~on Long Island there is always ANOTHER deli to work at...who knew that off of Long Island there is no such thing as a deli!! NOT ME! I had no idea when I moved down south that I would be out of work with no prospects on the horizon.Oh sure there is food, but nothing like what I did back home, so I have had to sort of reinvent myself~but it is, I am sure, like when Mcdonalds first went to China~I am making pastrami reubens and people are looking for fried bologna. I make bagels in a biscuit eating town...So we have been working on our Southern fare and by we I mean my hubby too...he has mastered the art of BBQ Ribs and I dare anyone to come close to him~a throwdown would be welcome!!! I can produce a tasty slaw and a light and fluffy biscuit, although i have to say it took alot of buscuit making and eating to get to this point! Someone asked me the other night why do I want to open a New York style deli in a small southern town and the answer is quite simple really~it is all I know~it is my passion, it is what I excel at, it is in my blood. But I will promise my town this...if I am lucky enough to get a chance to do it in this small southern town, I will also do my best to produce the best southern fare anyone has ever had here!!!

DAY 13

I am a day behind, so even though it is Sunday morning I have to catch up from Friday. So...I delivered my first big order to a dear friend of mine, she is so sweet! She and her husband have been so supportive of my (mis) adventures, handing out business cards for me, and telling anyone who will listen that I am trying to start a business. I get by with a lot of help from my friends~ I am a classic case of it takes a village.Yesterday was spent preparing an order for a lovely lady at my Temple~an order I throughly enjoyed putting together. I figured out a new way to dip and they look gorgeous!!! I am very proud of her order, she will take them to the school where she teaches and hopefully some chocoholic will be come addicted and not be able to live without my truffles! I aslo have a few orders lined up for the week and got a headstart on dipping for them, so I feel like I am in good shape. One cake order and a Blue and Gold dinner...this week is going zip by. I have a thing about making the time go by...I never intend to rush a week or even a moment,but my husband travels a lot for business and sometimes trying to keep everyone busy is a monumental task~sometimes it seems like it can stay 4 o'clock forever! So all week long, of course,I talk to said hubby a million times~at work he is a genius~they love him, he is always the first to get called for a job. He is truly the most likeable guy I have ever met~EVER!!! I am sure many people would agree. During these phone calls he is upbeat, positive, energetic and full of ideas about what our weekend will entail. He will talk about painting, garage sales, taking the kids out for the day (MY PERSONAL FAVORITE!)Then he comes home...Some kind of weird, travelling through the vortex kind of thing happens to him on his way home. I think as he drives home he must also be travelling back in time because by the time he reaches the doorstep he is a child again. Gone is the guy I talk to on the phone all week,in the door comes another child for me to take care of. Somehow he cannot think of a thing to do~he wants to help me, I know his heart is in the right place, but somehow it never translates into helping and now that I am trying to work we are reverting back to the old stressful ways that have hampered this project before. We talk, we argue~it isn't pretty and it isn't good for any of us, but I don't know how to change it and he doesn't understand what I am annoyed about. I am not one of those shy, timid wives, if I want something done everybody knows it, but why do I always have to ask or tell someone to do something. We pretty much have the same routine around here everyday, but sometimes I feel like the ring leader of a circus. A show that would close down if I were not here to move it along...and that is a big problem for me. How can I get my family to understand that if I am working it does not mean they should stand around and watch me or wait for me to tell them what they should do. Why can't they get on with their day without me having to organize every second of it for them? Last night I think they would have played on the kitchen floor all night if I did not stop what i was doing and kick them into bedtime gear. Why is that??? So here is my scary thought...if and this is a BIG IF~IF I actually became sucessful and my family had to be a lot more self-sufficient, how would they deal with that? They depend on me too much and while I adore them more than anything in the whole world, they are the one thing that can stop me dead in my tracks! The guilt is overwhelming~who will help with homework,who will stop them from watching too much t.v., who will make a decent dinner every night,who will make sure school clothes are ready for the next day~WHO will do what I do!?!? I have been a Mom for more than half my life...what if it is also more than half my LIFE?

DAY 12

Had a completely satisfying day! Completed 3!!! orders and I am very happy with the outcome. One of them went to a friend of mine for her Anniversary, rumor has it she is enjoying them. I took another to the doctors office with me this morning,along with a stack of business cards~I hope it will drum up some business. One of the nurses did ask if I catered weddings~my heart leapt! Then she said...not that I am getting married or anything, I just wanted to know! OH OK!! Maybe I should start a dating service too, set her up and then cater the wedding! She was cute, but I wish she was really getting married!
So working with chocolate is not for the faint of heart, nor is it for impatient people like me who like to get in, get done, and get out. It is a lesson in self control, in slowing down, being calm~not my forte at all! I decided nap time would be a good time to work, as the baby is a chocoholic. How long could it take to dip 45truffles? To say I am out of practice is an understatement...I have been on an extra long, over extended maternity leave and haven't dipped in a long time! But I thought I was prepared~froze the candy the night before, set up my double boilers in the morning as well as all the utensils I would need. Anything that was NOT chocolate could be set out and not raise the suspicion of said 2 year old. So of course the child does not want to take a nap, he wants to read 10 books, have extra juice and find the cat to give her a kiss~how do kids know when you have something that you need to do? I must give off some kind of vibe or something. So I have learned something in all my years of parenting, if I try to rush him it will take longer and I could blow the whole nap time wide open...So I steer him towards shorter picture books, give him an extra drip of juice in his cup...but then we can't find the CAT *@%*!! I usually rock him to sleep~yes he is 2 , but he is also my last (I hope), today he wants to lay on his pillow with me rubbing his back~I know I am being tested in some way so I just go with the flow. FINALLY I get him to sleep! Time to dip some truffles, I am ready!!! BUT MY HOUSE IS TOO HOT~ I start melting chocolate and then I take the truffles out of the freezer, I see them sag before my eyes~ok I tell myself,don't panic, what would the Cake Boss do???I open all the windows!!! Now I am freezing, but my truffles are happy~I stick most of them back in the fridge and work with 4-5 at a time. 2 1/2 hours later I am done and I mean DONE! OY! MY BACK~CAN IT REALLY BE OVER 3 YEARS SINCE I HAVE UNDERTAKEN SOMETHING LIKE THAT-HA! But on the other hand I survey my handiwork~NICE! I still got it! I stash the goods in the fridge, wake up the baby and run to pick up child #3 from school.
Now here is something not everybody will tell you...wrapping a gift basket or platter to look like something someone might actually want to eat is a fucking pain in the ass!!! OK I said it~it's my blog,get over it! I HATE TO WRAP...ANYTHING!!! Ask my kids,I don't wrap~besides being a total waste of money~I like to hide my kids gifts! I can't tell you the joy I get out of watching 19 and 22 year old men look for gifts~OH YES! If you want your gift you must work for it~I have to retain a little power...So now the baby is up, child #3 is starving to death (his words) and #2 is upstairs obliviously playing video games on THIS BOX~I am dancing around my dining room with a roll of cellophane wrap yelling for someone to find me the tape! With a melt down on the horizon for any one of us, I pull myself together and realize that THIS is why I always falter, how can I be the parent I want to be and do something I love at the same time~So I focused on the task at hand, tuned out the bickering in the background, and wrapped those platters in record time. And then I realized that it was fairly calm in the house, a little messier than I like but nothless nobody was worse for wear, they got dinner~frozen pizza and broccoli-and stories~a little later than usual~but we were ALL happy at the end of the day. I felt productive and content as I rocked the baby to sleep.It had been a good day!

DAY 11

I think the first time I felt like an adult was when my oldest child turned 13 and became a Bar Mitzvah,in 2001. (15 years after I was married!) We threw the party at our home. I saw to each and every detail myself.I prepared all the food, designed the invitations on my computer, hired what turned out to be a crappy DJ, flowers, table settings, wine...etc. My husband surprised me and rented a silver PT Cruiser. When I got into the car all dressed up, with my family of boys looking spectacular, it hit me! I AM THE MOTHER OF ALL THESE PEOPLE~MY HUBAND IS TAKING US TO TEMPLE FOR OUR SONS BAR MITZVAH!!! I remembered going to my brothers and all my cousins parties~we used to have such fun!! And even though I didn't feel the time passing, it surely did because here I was, not totally excited about hanging out and partying, but on the verge of joyous tears (which I did shed profusely during the service)and somber, for all the people who wouldn't be there, but happy and proud. There was alot of strife when my husband and I got married, not alot of people thought we would get to where we were~but there we were and I will never forget that ride as long as I live~I left my home still a young girl in my head, but by the time we got to Temple I had become a woman. Mind you, while this epiphany took place my children were in the back seat screaming at my cousin, who was following us. She was on her cell phone and there was a policeman behind HER! I remebering them screaming over and over~GET OFF THE PHONE! Funny how the memory works sometimes...but I digress, which I do alot~My point is that I have only felt like an adult for 9 years,so why are things starting to happen to me that are indicating I may be headed toward middle age!?! How can that be? It makes me wonder about my Grandmothers~I don't have a mother to ask so I do alot of wondering...and badgering my BFF! Do all women see signs of age long before we ever get old? Is a 90 year old woman really just 30 inside her head? I look in the mirror and I am often startled, I do not feel like the woman that I see~I told my husband the other day that somewhere inside of me there is a Demi Moore waiting to get out. I don't mean that because she is hot, I mean it because she is tall, lean and has long hair and she was on the TODAY show and I blurted it out while we were having coffee. I feel young and yet I have been asked when out with my youngest if he is my Grandchild!! #*#@!! I don't see that person or feel like that person and yet all signs are pointing in that direction. Will have to ponder my denial for awhile...but I have also made a doctors appt. to ask somebody more knowledgeable if I am headed "over the hill" so to speak!
On the business side of things...I have sent out a follow up on a dinner party, after alot of coaxing from my business parnter~I come from the "I don't want to bother them" way of thinking and she ~thank G-D~comes from the "Go out and get 'em" line of thinking. Happily I recieved a polite response from the client instead of a buzz off~I'll let you know when I am ready...I have started working on a couple of orders and at the risk of giving away more food I have decided to take a sample tray of truffles to the doctors office on Friday.I have NOT handed out any business cards this week OR made a flyer yet OR checked into the website that was suggested to me last week~maybe I will make a things to do list...I am also hoping by next week to have a few pictures ready to post on here. All in all not too horrible, but not 100% either.
Well the kids are home, my train of thought is gone. It is time for dinner, homework, baths and stories~hopefully to bed a little early...
THERE ARE TRUFFLES TO ROLL TONIGHT!!! ;-D

DAY 10

Day 10 I am now into the double digits and in possesion of a boatload of chocolate! Dark, Milk, Semi-sweet and white...new baskets and platters. Valentine decorations, ribbons and confetti! I have 2 new clients and I can't wait to put their gifts together***it's like a case of hurry up and wait, all dressed up and no place to go, BUT I also have to say it is my FAVORITE time~the anticipation, for me, is always better than the actual event.Picturing the ways different things can be put together, then they take on a life of their own. It is a form of art, I suppose, to build something with your hands, something that you love so much and then have to let go~you know the old saying~if you love something set it free...well it is the same for me when I complete an order for someone. I have heard that Duff from Ace of Cakes does not cut his cakes~I can totally understand that kind of logic! I don't usually get to see the person I am making a gift basket for, I see the loved one that has ordered it. Yes, of course they are appreciative, sometimes very complementary even~BUT I miss the joy on the recievers face, they are the one that is getting a nice gift, but they are also getting to see how much somebody cares for them, my transfer of my beloved baby to the client misses the very real emotion of person actually recieving the gift.It is based on that joyous feeling that I create every order. Every part of an order from start to finish is made with the reciever in mind~the thought that maybe someday THEY will say it was the best gift they ever got, or the most romantic,or the most delicious meal they ever ate. I want to create good food AND good memories, how wonderful to think I could be somebody's memory!

DAY 9

I once heard Tracy Gold~of Growing Pains fame~say she was afraid of butter. Just another of those usless bits of information cluttering my brain. I am afriad of many things...terminal illness, death, dogs,bungy jumping~ among other irrational fears, but fear of butter? When I take a stick of butter out of the fridge to warm to room temperature I see possibilities~I see shortbread waiting to be made. Warm golden on the edges, crunchy, sparkly sugar dotting the top of the cookies.I see it melting on top of a stack of gorgeous blueberry pancakes. I think of sweating onions, browning mushrooms, and frying eggs...there is no fear. For me when I cook I am fearless, it is about the only thing I can say that I never second guess. Give me a recipe and I can make, change it, turn up the volume and for the most part I end up with something deliously satisfying. It is a gift, what I can do~I am not classically trained~but I do remember once when I was maybe 10 or 11 and helping in my Aunts' kitchen, I was cutting an onion~I had cross hatched it and then cut it down the side and had ended up with a lot of small even square pieces...she asked me where I had learned how to do that? I told her I just knew how to do it, no one had taught me. BUT she was a wonderful cook and as far as I knew at the time she could cook anything and helping her in the kitchen are really the fondest childhood memories I have...so somehow I knew I has accomplished something and it spurred me on to learn more~I had caught her attention~maybe if I cooked more I could get more attention. And then I learned how to make potato pancakes! My Grandmothers FAMOUS potato pancakes. I learned at a time when potatoes were peeled by hand and then shredded by hand, when women stood around the kitchen and made chicken soup and talked about how THEIR mothers made chicken soup. I must have learned my lessons well because it became my job to make the holiday pancakes, an honor to this day that holds a very special place in my heart. In the years after my Grandmothers death I made my Grandfather his holiday pancakes and when my father comes to visit me now I make him pancakes. I am also responsible for making them for my congregation during the holiday season~it is my greatest joy in cooking!Food memories are so amazing~if you want to go back to your childhood, or a special date or a favorite holiday chances are you can get there with a recipe. The act of gathering the ingrediants and then the first smells wafting through the air, the anticipation as it cooks...can bring me joy all day long. Sometimes enjoyed with family or friends, sometimes enjoyed alone...savored in my mouth and in my head as an old memory plays itself out. My love for cooking started with an onion, which is now a treasured memory I can play in my head anytime I smell one.We never know the side little comment that will change or shape someones life~and until I started to soul search I didn't know that was mine.This is bringing me to a place of understanding what has shaped me into who I am today~so today I am making chicken soup, it always makes me think of all the women in my family that came before me~Wonderful, talented,funny, independant~take no bullshit women. And I love them all very much!

DAY 8

One week down~I did it, I did SOMETHING everyday this week to promote my business! I pushed past some issues I have been trying to deal with and found a few solutions to some others. I ordered a new book to maybe help me deal with the rest. I ended up with 1 confirmed order~YAY!!! The use of a commercial kitchen if I need it~YAY The web address for an entrepenurial investors website~YAY!! And at my sons assembly the other day I gave all the MEN teachers a business card and told them not to forget their wives for Valentines Day! Last night I had some friends in for dinner, very supportive and caring friends~and I know that they will tell anyone who will listen that they enjoyed the meal~THANK YOU!!
I feel productive and somewhat sucessful. I find that I like blogging more than I thought I would, at first I thought it was going to be like homework, but I find it kind of like meditation time~it is quiet, I can sit and think and ponder and...DREAM! Maybe like a book, if I write long enough, I will be able to steer the outcome in my direction. Some books, I am told, take on a life of their own and in that way too this blog has brought me to places I hadn't expected. I am eager to see where this part of my lifes journey will take me.
On tap for this week I have to get more business cards out there, I like my idea of focusing on the men, the bonus for them is they don't have to shop~that is my angle~I will save them the hassle of doing something most men don't like to do. And it will be gorgeous!!! And delivered to her door if they like~
It is also time to test the truffles...AHHHH~is there anything better than a truffle? Chocolately, smooth, warm, creamy goodness~rolled, dipped,or smothered, it really doesn't matter! It is such a decadent experience...I prefer to eat my truffles by candlelight near a toasty fireplace with some Amaretto~UM, I have never actually eaten them that way since there are usually greedy children and a drooling husband standing around the kitchen waiting less than patiently for a sample and if I don't eat mine with them then they will eat mine long before a fire would ever get a chance to roar! They are so funny, my family~the best support team I could have!
And to save the best for last~ I get to work this week. A real live breathing paying client~now if I could just get another one...

DAY 7

OK FINALLY the kids and hubby have gone outside to play in the snow, I have approximately 12 minutes before they all come traipsing into the house for hot chocolate...alright now it is 10 minutes after i wrote that sentence because no sooner did i say that then the hubby came back in to have his coat zipped, his gloves stuck half way up his sleeves! Then my 9 year old came back in because he fell and split his boxers, which meant a whole wardrobe change~*^%$#@!!! The whole time i am helping them the baby is yelling for them to come OUTSIDE!!
OK I feel better now!
So as I look back on my first week as a blogger I notice quite a few amazing changes already. I know that I have an amazing group of friends and that some of the things they have shared with me this week have taught me that we are all looking for peace. We are at a time in our lives where, for the most part we have worked hard, raised a family, dealt with family and rich or poor we are all at that age where mortality looms...
I have discovered I am not the only person with a dream. Why did I think that everyone else lead their dream life?
I also have learned that I LOVE FACEBOOK! There I said it...I have been on FB for about a year I think, and I have gotten reaquainted with some amazing people that do great things everyday and they don't even know it! Single mothers working hard, cancer survivors running races, mothers of sick children fighting all the time to find a cure,strong independant women running their own business'. I have put closure to an old flame that holds a special place in my heart, I have gotten to know and love my nieces and nephews across the country. I send my hubby silly things that make me feel like a teenager when I used to send him love notes with hearts and flowers on them. And I have learned that some people NEVER change...I think about 25(!!) years and wham you find someone on FB ~HOW EXCITING~can't wait to talk to them and in like a 15 minute phone call you have caught up and have nothing left to say, how can that be? How can some of us have done nothing?
And how can some of us keep this from being all we do...

Day 6

Yesterday turned out to be a terrific day after all. By the end of it I had one confirmed order and an inquiry about a gift basket! YAHOO! I had to go to my doctors office to pick something up and I decided that I was going to give all the girls my business card, I have mentioned that is not my strong point, self promotion is not my thing. BUT~as my business partner has told me I am to do the opposite~like George on Sienfeld~so when the baby was asleep I found a red pencil and proceeded to scrawl across my cards an invitation to *order soon* Truffles for your Valentine~with the price clearly written on it. The less I have to verbally tell people a price the better off I will be! And low and behold one of the nurses was VERY interested, she needed a gift for a friend and she said she would give me a call!!! I left the office in very high spirits! The day was as cheeful as my mood and we had plans to meet friends at the park~the boys had a wonderful time running around with the other spring feverish little people! And I had a nice chat with a fellow foodie. A good time was had by all. Then home to make a nice dinner and welcome home my hubby who had been away on business for 4 days. I can have it all I thought~I can do this...no problem. And then this morning while in the shower I realized that not only did I not give the kids baths last night, but my 9 year old slept in the same clothes he wore to the park! HA! Well the roof did not cave in and the bath police did not show up on my doorstep so I will use it as a lesson, I can let some things go and it will be alright. Now I am off to watch that same 9 year old make the A honor roll for the 3 consecutive semester! Then I am going to donate blood~and pick up my Grandson...I have more to say, but no time to say it today~that too is a lesson~no matter how much time we have, it will never be enough.

Day 5

Got a good start this morning~beds made, laundry folded, baby fed..yadda, yadda, yadda. The weather is going to be gorgeous warm and sunny and yet here I sit in front of this box AGAIN! Contemplating how to jump start myself into action. Friends think I should leave business cards at local businesses, my husband wants to buy an ice cream style truck so we can become a hot dog stand type of business. And although I have made a promise to not let it all be about money I really do need to know how to start a business on a shoe string budget. It has been said that Paula Deen started out of her home with 200.00 dollars....so I emailed her once to ask her how. When I first moved to my present home, which I have now lived in for 7 years, I started catering right away...and the board of health came down on me, right away! I was finished before I started~So back to Paula~She actually had an assistant email me and then CALL me, very exciting!!! But all she had to say was that since the time Paula got started laws have changed and at one point Paula too had to move to a commercial kitchen. So no real help there. I have also seen some very ambitious people go door to door with cake slices in the afternoons...so when my 2nd oldest was a senior I would bake cookies during the day and then he would go door to door to sell them to various businesses after school~to say that that grew old for him very quickly is an understatment! HA! but he gave it a shot for his old Mom. So now as we approach Valentines Day thoughts of Truffles dance in my head...do I bite the bullet once again? Spend money I don't really have and the time it takes to make them~which is really the fun part for me~and somehow figure out a way to get those delicious, melt in your mouth, exquistetly warm decadent, breathtaking (no exaggeration!) chocolates into the hands of some very deserving chocoholics!? It is my fear that I will appear pushy, I will also be traipsing about with a 2 year old in tow. My wardrobe leaves something to be desired, I wear clothes I have had for uh lets just say too many years! I have visions of Stacy and Clinton accosting me on the street!!! Somehow I have to figure this all out~excuses, excuses, excuses...they will be the death of my dream~How does a 43 year old woman change her mindset after all this time? How do you rid yourself of negativity? I look at people on all the talent shows that are on now and I envy every single one of them, especially the bad ones~they believe in themselves so much to put it all out there. I am in need of thicker skin. Todays blog feels blah and the sun is shining and the baby is begging for my attention~I am going to shower and pull my self together and go out and do SOMETHING positive for my dreams today...i'm just not quite sure what that will be.

Day 4

So lets just say I am stockpiling excuses already! For the past 3 days I have been on here non-stop. Researching catering websites, writing up 2 proposals, and yes I admit a fair amount of time has been wasted on Facebook! During that time no chores were done by me...which translates into...no chores were done. My hubby travels during the week so I can get away with letting things go a little...a quick run around the house a few hours before he gets home usually does the trick, BUT!!! When I got up this morning I realized something, if I don't do the chores THEY DON'T GET DONE!!! That is going to be a problem and it is also EXCUSE #1. #2 on my list brings me to my youngest son, aged 2~In the last 3 days he has watched countless cartoons, eaten an insane amount of fruit snacks, cookies, goldfish...etc. Washed his trucks with 5.00 a bottle Plum Start, that I buy to keep his little colon clean and today I actually put him in for a nap still in his jammies, with a dirty face! To give my self a little credit, I did notice his face while I was reading him a story~but I thought if I interrupted the momement nap time would be no more...So I am calling neglected children EXCUSE #2.
EXCUSE # 3 has to do with the fact that I have mailbox issues, the one in this box AND the one at the end of my driveway ~when you and your spouse are both self-employed you spend an extraordinary amount of time waiting for checks and job leads. The anticipation of getting the mail is usually better than the act of getting the mail itself, for me it is kind of like waiting for Santa and then getting socks for Christmas! But everyday I wake up with the excitment of what might come in the mail that day...I have been known on occasion to put the flag up on my box so I could look out the window and see if it came yet~I told you all I have issues. So for the past few days I have had the pleasure of preparing catering proposals, building my blog, and emailing with my business partner back and forth. My support group~i.e. FB people~have also been posting fun things to encourage me in my endeavours. So this morning I looked forward to checking my mail, until I actually checked it~REJECTED...there it was my poor little proposal back in my mailbox with a note saying...sorry...etc.
DEFLATED!!! That is how I felt, this is the point where I hang my head and go clean the toilet, which is exactly what I did! I have pondered for hours (while doing laundry and dishes, and playing with matchbox cars) how do I stay motivated this time? What is going to make this time different than all the others?
So I did what I do best I cooked, more specifcally I baked~Blueberry Muffins. Not just any Blueberry Muffins~Gale Gand's Blue Blueberry Muffins. The muffin comes out a gorgeous purply-blue with a fresh juicy bursting blueberry in EVERY bite, topped with raw sugar to give it a sparkly, crusty, crunchy peak! All of a sudden my house was back to being warm and cozy, the baby happily licked the bowl and the smell of muffins and coffee made me close my eyes and think~This is what MY DELI would smell like every morning!!! I can't give up, I have to find a way...so it is with a heavy but still hopeful heart that I write todays blog~afterall there is still hope that there will be a check in the other mailbox!

Day 3 Granting a Wish...

You are about to become part of an amazing event! The granting of a wish...to myself. There was a commercial a few seasons ago~By the department store Sears~Give a gift, grant a wish. It has stayed with me. What is the only thing from stopping you from granting a wish for someone? I bet you will say it is money! I too have always held the belief that the only difference between me and "them" is money...how often do we say "If I only had the money?" Well, I have changed my perspective! I now know the only thing standing in my way of my dreams is ...ME. And 2 days ago I decided to get out of my way. This blog is going to be an open diary of my journey to grant a wish that is over 20 years old. I call it "The Birth of a Deli" Before you chuckle, let me say that like a woman who can't get pregnant~that is what a deli is to me. This is the conception and if I am lucky enough to carry it through to fruition, it will indeed be like a birth for me, and I will love like one of my own children.
Ahhhh Children!!! At the mention of children I should tell you a little bit about myself. I am 43 years old, married to my best friend~who BTW~would love nothing better than to see my dream come true so he could quit his job and ride on my coat tails for awhile! We have 4 sons~yes I said 4~the youngest of which was quite a surprise for everyone, especially me. At the time my youngest was 7 and I was happily managing a small hotel 2 minutes from my house and his school. Life was good we had a little money, had a little fun...maybe too much! Upon coming home from a holiday party in 2006 we failed to use good discretion and BAM!! Our easy days were over for awhile...too bad we didn't know those were the easy days. I was miserable I thought I was doomed to be changing diapers forever~and then in the middle of my mid-life crisis my lovely son, the oldest then 19, calls to say he too is expecting a baby. My brain went into overload I was stuck, forever, raising babies...my dreams were over, my family was going to need me too much for me to ever be able to devote the time it would take to build my career.
Fast forward and I mean FAST!!! These beautiful boys~yes both babies were boys~have become the light of our lives! They are gorgeous and strong and full of mischief...and they are both going to turn 3!!! this fall~you know what that means? PRESCHOOL!!!
It dawned on me sometime around New Years that if I got off my extended materninty leave butt and became "pregnant" with my Deli that maybe, just maybe in 9 months when these babies are ready for school I will be ready to open my business.
So having just watched the movie Julie and Julia I was inspired to blog...I think it is less likely I will give up if I put it in print. I am also hoping for a big support group, so please read, enjoy, suggest, critique and tell your friends~
And just to clarify one last thing~todays title Day 3 refers to the fact that 2 days ago I inquired about renting commerical space to cook in if I got any catering jobs. I got a very positive response from the woman I spoke to and it pumped me up enough to move forward on some things I have been holding back on. I aslo approached another woman who had, in the past, asked me about doing some catering for her. I am very bad about that, I tend to wait for people to call me back~I have decided to be totally pro-active in that respect and forge ahead even if it makes me feel slightly pushy or uncomfortable. She too was eager to talk about her plans. Yesterday Day 2 I sent out a sample menu with prices to the potential client~another insanely hard thing for me to do~OY! PRICES!! I love what I do so much that it actually pains me to tell people how much I need to do it. Now don't get me wrong, the work is very hard and I love being paid!!! But to tell the people, at the begining of a new event, how much it is going to cost is a hurdle I have to go over every time~I am trying hard to convince myself I am worth it.
It is a very hard thing to do...this is not going to be an easy journey
But I am going to take it one day at a time, and every time I get a positive response or a lead on a job or am lucky enough to secure a job~it will be like a baby kicking and growing stronger every day...I too hope to become stronger in the process.