DAY 13

I am a day behind, so even though it is Sunday morning I have to catch up from Friday. So...I delivered my first big order to a dear friend of mine, she is so sweet! She and her husband have been so supportive of my (mis) adventures, handing out business cards for me, and telling anyone who will listen that I am trying to start a business. I get by with a lot of help from my friends~ I am a classic case of it takes a village.Yesterday was spent preparing an order for a lovely lady at my Temple~an order I throughly enjoyed putting together. I figured out a new way to dip and they look gorgeous!!! I am very proud of her order, she will take them to the school where she teaches and hopefully some chocoholic will be come addicted and not be able to live without my truffles! I aslo have a few orders lined up for the week and got a headstart on dipping for them, so I feel like I am in good shape. One cake order and a Blue and Gold dinner...this week is going zip by. I have a thing about making the time go by...I never intend to rush a week or even a moment,but my husband travels a lot for business and sometimes trying to keep everyone busy is a monumental task~sometimes it seems like it can stay 4 o'clock forever! So all week long, of course,I talk to said hubby a million times~at work he is a genius~they love him, he is always the first to get called for a job. He is truly the most likeable guy I have ever met~EVER!!! I am sure many people would agree. During these phone calls he is upbeat, positive, energetic and full of ideas about what our weekend will entail. He will talk about painting, garage sales, taking the kids out for the day (MY PERSONAL FAVORITE!)Then he comes home...Some kind of weird, travelling through the vortex kind of thing happens to him on his way home. I think as he drives home he must also be travelling back in time because by the time he reaches the doorstep he is a child again. Gone is the guy I talk to on the phone all week,in the door comes another child for me to take care of. Somehow he cannot think of a thing to do~he wants to help me, I know his heart is in the right place, but somehow it never translates into helping and now that I am trying to work we are reverting back to the old stressful ways that have hampered this project before. We talk, we argue~it isn't pretty and it isn't good for any of us, but I don't know how to change it and he doesn't understand what I am annoyed about. I am not one of those shy, timid wives, if I want something done everybody knows it, but why do I always have to ask or tell someone to do something. We pretty much have the same routine around here everyday, but sometimes I feel like the ring leader of a circus. A show that would close down if I were not here to move it along...and that is a big problem for me. How can I get my family to understand that if I am working it does not mean they should stand around and watch me or wait for me to tell them what they should do. Why can't they get on with their day without me having to organize every second of it for them? Last night I think they would have played on the kitchen floor all night if I did not stop what i was doing and kick them into bedtime gear. Why is that??? So here is my scary thought...if and this is a BIG IF~IF I actually became sucessful and my family had to be a lot more self-sufficient, how would they deal with that? They depend on me too much and while I adore them more than anything in the whole world, they are the one thing that can stop me dead in my tracks! The guilt is overwhelming~who will help with homework,who will stop them from watching too much t.v., who will make a decent dinner every night,who will make sure school clothes are ready for the next day~WHO will do what I do!?!? I have been a Mom for more than half my life...what if it is also more than half my LIFE?