Thursday!!! February 18th, 2010

How can it possibly be Thursday already? Wow!The weather is chilly, but my spirit is warm today~I had a moderately successful Valentine week...My most heartfelt Thank Yous to those who ordered from me~I hope you all enjoyed a happy holiday!!! Now I am thankfully in the process of working on a dinner party for 25 people, such fun! I told my BFF today that I am so lucky because when I have to practice what I do I get to make something delicious!!! Unlike the atheletes we have been watching on the Olympics this week~those kids work SO HARD!! I have been watching with my 9 year old and I don't think at that age we realized how hard these people work. They are amazing!!!
So my hubby turns 46 this week~I told a friend of mine it was my hubby's birthday and she asked if it was a "big one" I thought for a second and then I told her YES! for me...I am married to someone who is almost 50!!! HELLO??? that cannot be possible, when did this happen? When I look at him I see the same person he has always been, we are the same people who once sat at the bluff (some of you will know where that is, some of you won't!) we spent a lot of time at the bluff during our dating years, and I remember one night looking at the moon and talking about our future and he said~I want to teach my kids to ride a bike. Out of nowhere, I will never forget what he looked like when he said that~I thought he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen~he was 19 and the future seemed so far away...now it is 27 years later and so far he has taught 2 sons to ride a bike, mow a lawn, drive a car~we have been through a lifetime together, sometimes we sit around the table when the kids are all home and talk about whatever memories stick in their heads and I am astounded that we have a lifetime of memories. We have laughed, cried, screamed,prayed, and loved together for almost our whole lives...we are blessed to have each other. We somehow managed to raise a family, while trying to raise ourselves. Some days we hit the mark, other days we failed miserably~but we are still trying together everyday. And for anyone who thinks it is not work, you are wrong~work at love everyday and it will reward you in ways you could never imagine, if you are open to seeing it and believeing it.
I wish my hubby a wonderfully happy birthday~and I hope many, many, many more...after all who else would put up with me???
Now time to bake some "practice" Hamentashen...I wonder who I can get to sample them?

Wednesday Feb. 10th

Apple Cobbler in the oven~a very comforting smell on this incredibly windy day. I have started using the date on my blog because I have come to the conclusion that for reasons beyond my control I will not be able to write everyday, and if I am lucky somedays I will write twice. Even though my blogging is a new experience it seems to me that people are thinking that my cooking is new also...so not true! HA! So I am going back to the archives today to shed a little light on my experiences. I grew up on Long Island in New York. As a north Shore girl...and yes there is a difference, at least according to my husband there is~the South Shore Girls are more streetwise, the North Shore Girls are J.A.P.S, which stands for Jewish American Princess~which, in short means that our Daddy's do everything for us and by the time we are 18 we are no more able to take care of ourselves than we were at lets say~12. So while I vehemently deny this theory, I will admit that when I graduated high school I drove a very nice black Firebird, had a bank account, nice clothes and had never had a job! Enter the blue collar boyfriend~worked in construction, drove and OLD chevy, had his own apartment and smoked. To say that my father was not amused is an understatement! HA! but I was in love, and by the time I graduated we were talking marriage...over my dead body, said my father~and then he said~if you live together for a year and do not kill each other, I will give you a wedding. DONE!!! We found a basement apartment, on the South Shore, and moved in~happy as clams. I proceeded to have every job known to man~i worked in a pharmacy (or 2!) a dry cleaner,toys r us, pizza place, cleaned houses and then a deli~I had found my niche. Good Music, great people in and out all day and plenty to keep me busy. I didn't care for the slow pace of retail, even though as my Dad pointed out, that was the job that had benifits...nope it was the deli life that caught me~i am a sucker for instant gratification! Get paid in cash at the end of the day, run around on deliveries in a cool car with the tunes cranked, regulars asking for me to make their lunch and taking leftovers home for dinner~AHHHH that was the life! I learned everything I could about ordering, specials, fish friday, lent, worked every holiday when nobody else wanted to. This went on for years and it worked out well when the kids were in school~I worked the lunch shift very happily~construction workers would bring their orders in written on 2x4's...brings back some good memories. Eventually I became at little overqualified and I started going into places that weren't doing so well, I revamped their menus, started business fax lines, and introduced new ways to drum up business~I was very happy! I would stay at a place for a few months and then move on~on Long Island there is always ANOTHER deli to work at...who knew that off of Long Island there is no such thing as a deli!! NOT ME! I had no idea when I moved down south that I would be out of work with no prospects on the horizon.Oh sure there is food, but nothing like what I did back home, so I have had to sort of reinvent myself~but it is, I am sure, like when Mcdonalds first went to China~I am making pastrami reubens and people are looking for fried bologna. I make bagels in a biscuit eating town...So we have been working on our Southern fare and by we I mean my hubby too...he has mastered the art of BBQ Ribs and I dare anyone to come close to him~a throwdown would be welcome!!! I can produce a tasty slaw and a light and fluffy biscuit, although i have to say it took alot of buscuit making and eating to get to this point! Someone asked me the other night why do I want to open a New York style deli in a small southern town and the answer is quite simple really~it is all I know~it is my passion, it is what I excel at, it is in my blood. But I will promise my town this...if I am lucky enough to get a chance to do it in this small southern town, I will also do my best to produce the best southern fare anyone has ever had here!!!

DAY 13

I am a day behind, so even though it is Sunday morning I have to catch up from Friday. So...I delivered my first big order to a dear friend of mine, she is so sweet! She and her husband have been so supportive of my (mis) adventures, handing out business cards for me, and telling anyone who will listen that I am trying to start a business. I get by with a lot of help from my friends~ I am a classic case of it takes a village.Yesterday was spent preparing an order for a lovely lady at my Temple~an order I throughly enjoyed putting together. I figured out a new way to dip and they look gorgeous!!! I am very proud of her order, she will take them to the school where she teaches and hopefully some chocoholic will be come addicted and not be able to live without my truffles! I aslo have a few orders lined up for the week and got a headstart on dipping for them, so I feel like I am in good shape. One cake order and a Blue and Gold dinner...this week is going zip by. I have a thing about making the time go by...I never intend to rush a week or even a moment,but my husband travels a lot for business and sometimes trying to keep everyone busy is a monumental task~sometimes it seems like it can stay 4 o'clock forever! So all week long, of course,I talk to said hubby a million times~at work he is a genius~they love him, he is always the first to get called for a job. He is truly the most likeable guy I have ever met~EVER!!! I am sure many people would agree. During these phone calls he is upbeat, positive, energetic and full of ideas about what our weekend will entail. He will talk about painting, garage sales, taking the kids out for the day (MY PERSONAL FAVORITE!)Then he comes home...Some kind of weird, travelling through the vortex kind of thing happens to him on his way home. I think as he drives home he must also be travelling back in time because by the time he reaches the doorstep he is a child again. Gone is the guy I talk to on the phone all week,in the door comes another child for me to take care of. Somehow he cannot think of a thing to do~he wants to help me, I know his heart is in the right place, but somehow it never translates into helping and now that I am trying to work we are reverting back to the old stressful ways that have hampered this project before. We talk, we argue~it isn't pretty and it isn't good for any of us, but I don't know how to change it and he doesn't understand what I am annoyed about. I am not one of those shy, timid wives, if I want something done everybody knows it, but why do I always have to ask or tell someone to do something. We pretty much have the same routine around here everyday, but sometimes I feel like the ring leader of a circus. A show that would close down if I were not here to move it along...and that is a big problem for me. How can I get my family to understand that if I am working it does not mean they should stand around and watch me or wait for me to tell them what they should do. Why can't they get on with their day without me having to organize every second of it for them? Last night I think they would have played on the kitchen floor all night if I did not stop what i was doing and kick them into bedtime gear. Why is that??? So here is my scary thought...if and this is a BIG IF~IF I actually became sucessful and my family had to be a lot more self-sufficient, how would they deal with that? They depend on me too much and while I adore them more than anything in the whole world, they are the one thing that can stop me dead in my tracks! The guilt is overwhelming~who will help with homework,who will stop them from watching too much t.v., who will make a decent dinner every night,who will make sure school clothes are ready for the next day~WHO will do what I do!?!? I have been a Mom for more than half my life...what if it is also more than half my LIFE?

DAY 12

Had a completely satisfying day! Completed 3!!! orders and I am very happy with the outcome. One of them went to a friend of mine for her Anniversary, rumor has it she is enjoying them. I took another to the doctors office with me this morning,along with a stack of business cards~I hope it will drum up some business. One of the nurses did ask if I catered weddings~my heart leapt! Then she said...not that I am getting married or anything, I just wanted to know! OH OK!! Maybe I should start a dating service too, set her up and then cater the wedding! She was cute, but I wish she was really getting married!
So working with chocolate is not for the faint of heart, nor is it for impatient people like me who like to get in, get done, and get out. It is a lesson in self control, in slowing down, being calm~not my forte at all! I decided nap time would be a good time to work, as the baby is a chocoholic. How long could it take to dip 45truffles? To say I am out of practice is an understatement...I have been on an extra long, over extended maternity leave and haven't dipped in a long time! But I thought I was prepared~froze the candy the night before, set up my double boilers in the morning as well as all the utensils I would need. Anything that was NOT chocolate could be set out and not raise the suspicion of said 2 year old. So of course the child does not want to take a nap, he wants to read 10 books, have extra juice and find the cat to give her a kiss~how do kids know when you have something that you need to do? I must give off some kind of vibe or something. So I have learned something in all my years of parenting, if I try to rush him it will take longer and I could blow the whole nap time wide open...So I steer him towards shorter picture books, give him an extra drip of juice in his cup...but then we can't find the CAT *@%*!! I usually rock him to sleep~yes he is 2 , but he is also my last (I hope), today he wants to lay on his pillow with me rubbing his back~I know I am being tested in some way so I just go with the flow. FINALLY I get him to sleep! Time to dip some truffles, I am ready!!! BUT MY HOUSE IS TOO HOT~ I start melting chocolate and then I take the truffles out of the freezer, I see them sag before my eyes~ok I tell myself,don't panic, what would the Cake Boss do???I open all the windows!!! Now I am freezing, but my truffles are happy~I stick most of them back in the fridge and work with 4-5 at a time. 2 1/2 hours later I am done and I mean DONE! OY! MY BACK~CAN IT REALLY BE OVER 3 YEARS SINCE I HAVE UNDERTAKEN SOMETHING LIKE THAT-HA! But on the other hand I survey my handiwork~NICE! I still got it! I stash the goods in the fridge, wake up the baby and run to pick up child #3 from school.
Now here is something not everybody will tell you...wrapping a gift basket or platter to look like something someone might actually want to eat is a fucking pain in the ass!!! OK I said it~it's my blog,get over it! I HATE TO WRAP...ANYTHING!!! Ask my kids,I don't wrap~besides being a total waste of money~I like to hide my kids gifts! I can't tell you the joy I get out of watching 19 and 22 year old men look for gifts~OH YES! If you want your gift you must work for it~I have to retain a little power...So now the baby is up, child #3 is starving to death (his words) and #2 is upstairs obliviously playing video games on THIS BOX~I am dancing around my dining room with a roll of cellophane wrap yelling for someone to find me the tape! With a melt down on the horizon for any one of us, I pull myself together and realize that THIS is why I always falter, how can I be the parent I want to be and do something I love at the same time~So I focused on the task at hand, tuned out the bickering in the background, and wrapped those platters in record time. And then I realized that it was fairly calm in the house, a little messier than I like but nothless nobody was worse for wear, they got dinner~frozen pizza and broccoli-and stories~a little later than usual~but we were ALL happy at the end of the day. I felt productive and content as I rocked the baby to sleep.It had been a good day!

DAY 11

I think the first time I felt like an adult was when my oldest child turned 13 and became a Bar Mitzvah,in 2001. (15 years after I was married!) We threw the party at our home. I saw to each and every detail myself.I prepared all the food, designed the invitations on my computer, hired what turned out to be a crappy DJ, flowers, table settings, wine...etc. My husband surprised me and rented a silver PT Cruiser. When I got into the car all dressed up, with my family of boys looking spectacular, it hit me! I AM THE MOTHER OF ALL THESE PEOPLE~MY HUBAND IS TAKING US TO TEMPLE FOR OUR SONS BAR MITZVAH!!! I remembered going to my brothers and all my cousins parties~we used to have such fun!! And even though I didn't feel the time passing, it surely did because here I was, not totally excited about hanging out and partying, but on the verge of joyous tears (which I did shed profusely during the service)and somber, for all the people who wouldn't be there, but happy and proud. There was alot of strife when my husband and I got married, not alot of people thought we would get to where we were~but there we were and I will never forget that ride as long as I live~I left my home still a young girl in my head, but by the time we got to Temple I had become a woman. Mind you, while this epiphany took place my children were in the back seat screaming at my cousin, who was following us. She was on her cell phone and there was a policeman behind HER! I remebering them screaming over and over~GET OFF THE PHONE! Funny how the memory works sometimes...but I digress, which I do alot~My point is that I have only felt like an adult for 9 years,so why are things starting to happen to me that are indicating I may be headed toward middle age!?! How can that be? It makes me wonder about my Grandmothers~I don't have a mother to ask so I do alot of wondering...and badgering my BFF! Do all women see signs of age long before we ever get old? Is a 90 year old woman really just 30 inside her head? I look in the mirror and I am often startled, I do not feel like the woman that I see~I told my husband the other day that somewhere inside of me there is a Demi Moore waiting to get out. I don't mean that because she is hot, I mean it because she is tall, lean and has long hair and she was on the TODAY show and I blurted it out while we were having coffee. I feel young and yet I have been asked when out with my youngest if he is my Grandchild!! #*#@!! I don't see that person or feel like that person and yet all signs are pointing in that direction. Will have to ponder my denial for awhile...but I have also made a doctors appt. to ask somebody more knowledgeable if I am headed "over the hill" so to speak!
On the business side of things...I have sent out a follow up on a dinner party, after alot of coaxing from my business parnter~I come from the "I don't want to bother them" way of thinking and she ~thank G-D~comes from the "Go out and get 'em" line of thinking. Happily I recieved a polite response from the client instead of a buzz off~I'll let you know when I am ready...I have started working on a couple of orders and at the risk of giving away more food I have decided to take a sample tray of truffles to the doctors office on Friday.I have NOT handed out any business cards this week OR made a flyer yet OR checked into the website that was suggested to me last week~maybe I will make a things to do list...I am also hoping by next week to have a few pictures ready to post on here. All in all not too horrible, but not 100% either.
Well the kids are home, my train of thought is gone. It is time for dinner, homework, baths and stories~hopefully to bed a little early...
THERE ARE TRUFFLES TO ROLL TONIGHT!!! ;-D

DAY 10

Day 10 I am now into the double digits and in possesion of a boatload of chocolate! Dark, Milk, Semi-sweet and white...new baskets and platters. Valentine decorations, ribbons and confetti! I have 2 new clients and I can't wait to put their gifts together***it's like a case of hurry up and wait, all dressed up and no place to go, BUT I also have to say it is my FAVORITE time~the anticipation, for me, is always better than the actual event.Picturing the ways different things can be put together, then they take on a life of their own. It is a form of art, I suppose, to build something with your hands, something that you love so much and then have to let go~you know the old saying~if you love something set it free...well it is the same for me when I complete an order for someone. I have heard that Duff from Ace of Cakes does not cut his cakes~I can totally understand that kind of logic! I don't usually get to see the person I am making a gift basket for, I see the loved one that has ordered it. Yes, of course they are appreciative, sometimes very complementary even~BUT I miss the joy on the recievers face, they are the one that is getting a nice gift, but they are also getting to see how much somebody cares for them, my transfer of my beloved baby to the client misses the very real emotion of person actually recieving the gift.It is based on that joyous feeling that I create every order. Every part of an order from start to finish is made with the reciever in mind~the thought that maybe someday THEY will say it was the best gift they ever got, or the most romantic,or the most delicious meal they ever ate. I want to create good food AND good memories, how wonderful to think I could be somebody's memory!

DAY 9

I once heard Tracy Gold~of Growing Pains fame~say she was afraid of butter. Just another of those usless bits of information cluttering my brain. I am afriad of many things...terminal illness, death, dogs,bungy jumping~ among other irrational fears, but fear of butter? When I take a stick of butter out of the fridge to warm to room temperature I see possibilities~I see shortbread waiting to be made. Warm golden on the edges, crunchy, sparkly sugar dotting the top of the cookies.I see it melting on top of a stack of gorgeous blueberry pancakes. I think of sweating onions, browning mushrooms, and frying eggs...there is no fear. For me when I cook I am fearless, it is about the only thing I can say that I never second guess. Give me a recipe and I can make, change it, turn up the volume and for the most part I end up with something deliously satisfying. It is a gift, what I can do~I am not classically trained~but I do remember once when I was maybe 10 or 11 and helping in my Aunts' kitchen, I was cutting an onion~I had cross hatched it and then cut it down the side and had ended up with a lot of small even square pieces...she asked me where I had learned how to do that? I told her I just knew how to do it, no one had taught me. BUT she was a wonderful cook and as far as I knew at the time she could cook anything and helping her in the kitchen are really the fondest childhood memories I have...so somehow I knew I has accomplished something and it spurred me on to learn more~I had caught her attention~maybe if I cooked more I could get more attention. And then I learned how to make potato pancakes! My Grandmothers FAMOUS potato pancakes. I learned at a time when potatoes were peeled by hand and then shredded by hand, when women stood around the kitchen and made chicken soup and talked about how THEIR mothers made chicken soup. I must have learned my lessons well because it became my job to make the holiday pancakes, an honor to this day that holds a very special place in my heart. In the years after my Grandmothers death I made my Grandfather his holiday pancakes and when my father comes to visit me now I make him pancakes. I am also responsible for making them for my congregation during the holiday season~it is my greatest joy in cooking!Food memories are so amazing~if you want to go back to your childhood, or a special date or a favorite holiday chances are you can get there with a recipe. The act of gathering the ingrediants and then the first smells wafting through the air, the anticipation as it cooks...can bring me joy all day long. Sometimes enjoyed with family or friends, sometimes enjoyed alone...savored in my mouth and in my head as an old memory plays itself out. My love for cooking started with an onion, which is now a treasured memory I can play in my head anytime I smell one.We never know the side little comment that will change or shape someones life~and until I started to soul search I didn't know that was mine.This is bringing me to a place of understanding what has shaped me into who I am today~so today I am making chicken soup, it always makes me think of all the women in my family that came before me~Wonderful, talented,funny, independant~take no bullshit women. And I love them all very much!